I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
