Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
