I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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