I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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