saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
