Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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