How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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