Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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