my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
