you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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