just tell him i said nine months
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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