careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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