I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
