I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
