I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
