12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
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