i'm signing you up for texting rehab
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
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