She is in my trunk
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
