Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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