Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
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