And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
