I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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