very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize