theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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