glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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