Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
