you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
