if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
How does one acquire holy water?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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