I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
