just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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