My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I'm both gender and math confused
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
