My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I want you more than these girls want KFC
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I am naked and annoyed.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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