I molested 6 butterflies tonight
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
