I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
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