She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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