Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
