well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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