You're my little dorito
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
