I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
