Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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