PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
