you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
