i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
