toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
You're completely useless in the revolution.
we made out on top of his cat.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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