K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
