my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
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