It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
