She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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