im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
