If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
