3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Randomize
