That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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