If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
