The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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