We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
There was a lot of him and a little penis
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
