It's Friday. Sex?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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