My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
