its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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