I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
