this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
