dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
