she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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