Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
