i permit you to call me
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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