then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
