Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
