Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize