So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
