I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
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