I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
