I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
